It’s been a really tough 3 months for me on the professional front. Not because i’ve had trouble with school or anything but because I’m graduating on saturday and have no job. I’m so disappointed in myself about not getting a job that this “achievement” everyone keeps talking to me about really doesn’t mean much to me at this point. In fact, the more I think about graduation, the more stressed I get. For the last 3 months I’ve been literally begging my parents to not make me go to this graduation. Has it worked? No. Not at all. They’re really excited about the whole thing and so my graduation has basically turned into a 2-week vacation in Florida. Now, my siblings are really young and super into the whole magical Disney vacation idea … I don’t blame them one bit because I was the exact same way at their age but it’s just hard for me to enjoy this right now. Anyways, we got to miami this afternoon and honestly just thinking about having to go to graduation on saturday has been giving me anxiety. I have no idea exactly what my problem is but I do know that I really don’t want to go … it’s just a mixture of a bunch of reasons. However, I’ve never really been a graduation person; I love attending other peoples graduations, just not my own. It might be stupid of me to not want to go to my own graduation but I just don’t like the attention at all. I don’t really want to have to go super early in the morning just to be told how to walk across the stage once my name is called … that 2 seconds of glory just doesn’t mean that much to me. Sure, i’ll get to see a lot of my classmates but honestly most of those people I haven’t even spoken to in the last 3 years so i’m not sure how much difference that’s really going to make to me. I’ve been lectured time and again on how I should want to go and I get it, I know it’s important but at this moment in time it would just make me feel so much better to not have to go.
Anyways, regardless of what I want; my family really wants to go. My parents have gone through a lot of struggles to see me graduate and I guess even though those 2 moments on stage means nothing to me, it means the world to them … that is the only reason I’m going to go. I may not be happy about it but i’ll try my best to not be upset about it either. So far it’s been really really tough to match my siblings’ excitement about this 12-day Disney vacation we’re on right now but maybe after Saturday is done and over with, it’ll become easier. Who knows, maybe it won’t even be that bad. The uncertainty of my jobless status at this moment is the worst feeling ever. At times I get so upset about it that even the magic of Disney isn’t helping … that’s how you know the sadness is real. Haha. Okay, maybe i’m being a little dramatic … but enh, you get the point.
So, am I actually that weird because I don’t want to attend my own graduation? Do any of you feel the way I do?
Thanks for joining in on another sad adventure; together maybe we can make the saddest of adventures become just a little less sad.